Home > Author > Billy Connolly
1 " I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do. "
― Billy Connolly
2 " Oh, I can picture myself rattling along Route 66 on that thing, headphones on, singing along to ZZ Top's 'Sharp Dressed Man' or the opening line from 'Born to be Wild' by Steppenwolf - 'Get your motor running...' The trike brings out that in all of us, which is no bad thing. Forget Viagra, get yourself a trike! "
3 " Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes! "
4 " If you give people a chance, they shine. "
― Billy Connolly , Billy Connolly's Route 66: The Big Yin on the Ultimate American Road Trip
5 " My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. "
6 " I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be. "
7 " All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men. "
8 " Sometimes there's a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I've ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack. "
9 " But I think I want to become part of Scotland when I die. In a coffin, you just turn to dust, so I would prefer to be buried in a wicker casket, or in a sheet like the Africans do, so that I actually become part of the earth. I would like a tree to be planted on top of me.And I told my wife Pamela a long time ago the epitaph that I want on my gravestone: Jesus Christ, is that the time already? Failing that, I would like an epitaph in writing so tiny that visitors would have to inch right next to my gravestone to read it. It would say: You're standing on my balls. "
― Billy Connolly , Made In Scotland: My Grand Adventures in a Wee Country
10 " When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? "
11 " Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn't try it on. "
12 " Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. Get wasted all the time, and you'll have the time of your life! "
13 " A fart is just your arse applauding. "
14 " Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh. "
15 " The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever becoming one.”"Don't vote. It just encourages them.... "
16 " I think of my life as a series of moments and I've found that the great moments often don't have too much to them. They're not huge, complicated events; they're just magical wee moments when somebody says 'I love you' or 'You're a really good at what you do' or simply 'You're a good person'. "
17 " Fuck the begrudgers "
18 " Never trust people who've only got one fucking book. "
19 " Marriage is a wonderful invention; but then again so is a bicycle repair kit. "
20 " There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter "
