Home > Author > David Letterman
1 " Labour day is a great American holiday that peoplecelebrate by going out and buying products made in China "
― David Letterman
2 " There is no off position on the genius switch. "
3 " Enjoy every sandwich. "
4 " If it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever. "
5 " If what you've done is stupid, but it works..then it really isn't all that stupid. "
6 " USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population. "
7 " Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2) Advising the President. 3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin. "
8 " America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. "
9 " You can't eat tomatoes because they're tainted with deadly salmonella.First there was tainted lettuce. Now, tainted tomatoes. Who would have thought that the healthiest part of a B.L.T. would be the bacon? "
10 " I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious. "
11 " You have Kim Jong Il, and you have his brother, Menta Lee Il. "
12 " I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red. "
13 " Just make sure if you fail, you did what you wanted to do. "
14 " BP has put more birds in oil than Colonel Sanders. "
15 " I haven't reached nirvana yet, but I've been to Detroit. "
16 " There is no off position on the genius "
17 " A high-level government agent was arrested today for selling secrets to Russia. They now have all of the exact locations of our back-to-school headquarters. "
18 " USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population. "
19 " What the hell's the date, Paul? "
20 " I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves. "
