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1 " The Perfectionist pushed Tom onto her bed. She took off his shirt. She took off his shoes and his socks. She took off his pants. She took off his boxers.With most guys the Perfectionist would stop there. She didn’t. She was still feeling reckless. She took off his skin. She took off his nervous system. She lifted up his rib cage. His heart beat in her hand. And there, underneath it, she found a rusted tin box. She opened it. Inside she found his hopes, his dreams and his fears. She stared at them. She was surprised to find them there and surprised at how beautiful they were. At that exact moment, the Perfectionist fell in love with Tom. "
― Andrew Kaufman , All My Friends are Superheroes
2 " She said, “Only the weak are afraid to appear so. "
― Andrew Kaufman , Born Weird
3 " We’re here,’ the Clock says.The Perfectionist opens her eyes. She sees nothing. It’s white. All white. There’s no up. There’s no down. No horizon. Nothing. It’s just white.‘Clock, what is this?’ asks the Perfectionist. Her voice is shaky.‘This is the future.’‘This is the future?’ the Perfectionist asks. Her mouth is dry. She forces herself to swallow.‘Why is the future like this?’‘Because it hasn’t happened yet,’ says the Clock "
4 " Okay, there's this thing you can do, a thing you can do like no other person on this planet. That makes you special, but being special really doesn't mean anything. You still have to get dressed in the morning. Your shoelaces still break. Your lover will still leave you if you don't treat her right "
5 " Why do bad things happen to good people?''Because it makes a good story. "
― Andrew Kaufman , The Waterproof Bible
6 " Remember that the truth within yourself will always be greater than the truth found in these pages. These stories are here to guide us—to help us find that truth, not to tell us what it is. "
7 " He knocks on doors and stands there. You’d be surprised how few doors get answered "
8 " the code of a world he'd never been invited to join. "
9 " I don't remember a single monster before I met you.' he'd told Amphibian. 'Now they seem to be all over the place.''You mean there wasn't anything you were afraid of?' the Amphibian had asked him.'lots.''What did they look like?'It was a funny question.'They didn't look like anything. They were ideas,' Tom told him. 'Like not being able to pay rent, or being lonely.''That's the most terrifying thing I've ever heard.' the Amphibian replied. "
10 " Okay, there's this thing you can do, a thing you can do like no other person on this planet. That makes you special, but being special ready doesn't mean anything. You still have to get dressed in the morning. Your shoelaces still break. Your lover will still leave you if you don't treat her right. "
11 " Okay, there's this thing you can do, a thing you can do like no other person on this planet. That makes you special, but being special ready doesn't mean anything. You still have to get dressed in the morning. Your shoelaces still break. Your lover will still leave you if you don't treat her right "
12 " There are two ways to get rid of an anxiety monster,my friend-you either have a bath or a nap. "
13 " Businessman sat in his car calculating the net worth of everyone who passed and he noticed something peculiar. While some people were worth millions and other people were deep in debt, they all looked stressed and worried. He concluded that there is only one amount of money – just not enough. "
14 " - the only difference between a happy ending and a sad ending is where you decide the story ends. "
15 " No one gets found in love. Everyone gets lost in it, Because love is overwhelming. Its beyond your control. You have to relinquish control to be in love. And that’s a good thing. There’s a beauty to being lost in something bigger than you. "
16 " The Sloth would sit on his couch, paralyzed by all the things he wasn't taking care of. Then one day, a Wednesday, he just said, 'Fuck it!' He threw his hands up into the air and said, 'Fuck it!' This was the day that the sloth discovered his superpower, an amazing ability to say 'Fuck it' and really, truly mean it. "
17 " Perhaps one of the hardest things about having kids is realizing that you love someone more than your wife. That it's possible to love someone more than you love your wife. What's even worse is that it's a love you don't have to work at. It's just there. It just sits there, indestructible, getting stronger and stronger. While the love for your wife, the one you do have to work at, and work so very hard at, gets nothing. Gets neglected, left to fend for itself. Like a houseplant forgotten on a windowsill. "
― Andrew Kaufman , The Tiny Wife
18 " ...a river season will last as long as it takes you to reach your newplace. If you get into the river and let it take you where you need tobe, your river season will last an afternoon. But if you fear changeand struggle and hold on to the rocks, the river season will last andlast. It will not end until your body becomes exhausted, your gripweakens, your hands slide off the rocks and the current takes you toyour new place. "
19 " But I'm here to tell you that nothing could be further from the truth. Your soul is a living, breathing, organic thing. No different than your heart or your legs. And just like your heart keeps your blood oxygenated and your legs keep you moving around, your soul gives you the ability to do amazing, beautiful things. "
20 " It’s true most superheroes have funny names. But they have to come up with these names by themselves. Think about how hard it is. Try it, right now; boil down your personality and abilities to a single phrase or image. If you can do that, you’re probably a superhero already. "
― Andrew Kaufman
