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" Recovering from family scapegoating requires recognizing that being the ‘identified patient’ is symptomatic of generations of systemic dysfunction within one’s family, fueled by unrecognized anxiety and even trauma. In a certain sense, members of a dysfunctional family are participating in a ‘consensual trance‘, i.e., a ‘survival trance’ supported by false narratives, toxic shame, anxiety, and egoic defense mechanisms, such as denial and projection. "
― Rebecca C. Mandeville , Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed: Help and Hope for Adults in the Family Scapegoat Role
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" As painful as it is to be scapegoated by your family, you might be surprised to learn that there are positive, empowering aspects associated with the ‘scapegoat’ role, as described in the original biblical
story of the ‘scapegoat ritual of atonement.’ It may be that certain qualities you possess, such as intuition, empathy, and compassion, led to your becoming the target of family scapegoating abuse, as
paradoxical and confusing as this may initially seem. "
― Rebecca C. Mandeville , Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed: Help and Hope for Adults in the Family Scapegoat Role
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" While disagreements and interpersonal conflicts are common in even the healthiest of family systems, family scapegoating goes far beyond this, making recovering from its impact and effects difficult. For example, more than half of those who responded to an FSA survey I conducted have been described as
“mentally ill”; “emotionally sick,” or “a liar” by a parent or other relative when there was absolutely no truth to this whatsoever. Naturally, being spoken about in this way can be confusing, angering, and even traumatizing to the target of such hostile
and defamatory statements. "
― Rebecca C. Mandeville , Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed: Help and Hope for Adults in the Family Scapegoat Role
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" Recovering from family scapegoating requires recognizing that being the ‘identified patient’ is symptomatic of generations of systemic dysfunction within one’s family, fueled by unrecognized anxiety and even trauma. In a certain sense, members of a dysfunctional family are participating in a consensual trance, i.e., a ‘survival trance’ supported by false narratives, toxic shame, anxiety, and egoic defense mechanisms, such as denial and projection. "
― Rebecca C. Mandeville , Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed: Help and Hope for Adults in the Family Scapegoat Role
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" In rare instances when the scapegoating family member(s) do agree to meet in a family therapy setting with the FSA survivor, their egoic defenses will make them intractable in their position that they are ‘right’ and that the scapegoated family member is the ‘offender’ (this is especially true when the scapegoated family member is known to be an alcoholic/addict or has a history of psychiatric hospitalization). They might even claim that they are the victim, denying their hurtful behaviors altogether, thereby victimizing the scapegoated family member twice. This strategic defense maneuver is known as DARVO, which stands for “Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender” (Freyd, J.J. 1997). This is especially the case in families where there are ‘secrets’, such as sexual/physical abuse of the scapegoated child. "
― Rebecca C. Mandeville , Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed: Help and Hope for Adults in the Family Scapegoat Role
