Home > Author > Ursula Vernon
1 " Let's take a minute to talk about spellbooks, since, in this day and age when magic is no longer taught in schools (or is, at best, an elective like Home Economics), very few people have the experience with spellbooks that they used to. "
― Ursula Vernon , Castle Hangnail
2 " Grandma Harken was sharpening her garden shears. Her hands slowed on the file and she said finally, “He’ll get in trouble and he’ll figure it out. Best to do it without us standing over him. It’s the only way anybody ever learns to clean up after themselves. "
― Ursula Vernon
3 " Dragons have been known to have staring contests with mountains. They usually win. "
4 " Trolls have a longstanding animosity for goats--"Who's that trip-tapping across my bridge!?"--and this led me to think that perhaps trolls are related to goats, since it seems a lot more plausible to me that your relatives would make you insane than some random hooved mammal, however ecologically destructive it might be. What if trolls evolved from goats? Or, no, better yet, what if goats evolved from trolls? Or were domesticated from trolls by human shepherds? And the trolls despise their domesticated cousins as a disgrace to the once-proud troll race, (much as I assume wolves would despise Chihuahuas if they ever gave them much thought) and eat them at every opportunity. "
5 " Is your mom afraid something will happen to you?" "I," said Harriet, with absolute confidence, "am something that happens to other people. "
― Ursula Vernon , Whiskerella (Hamster Princess #5)
6 " I know exactly what is at stake, Captain. You are trying to convince yourself that whatever cause you follow is worth that girl's death.I know all about gods, Captain. I know that a god that demands a child's life is not a god worth saving. Choose. "
― Ursula Vernon , Digger: The Complete Omnibus
7 " He was tall and slim and had dark hair and young women found him fascinating.This sort of thing happens often enough, even with boys as mortal as dirt. There’s always one who learned how to brood early and often, and always girls who think they can heal him.Eventually the girls learn better. Either the hurts are petty little things and they get tired of whining or the hurt’s so deep and wide that they drown in it. The smart ones heave themselves back to shore and the slower ones wake up married with a husband who lies around and suffers in their direction. It’s part of a dance as old as the jackalopes themselves. "
8 " I suppose we should contact the local authorities?” said Wilbur.“I’m a princess,” said Harriet. “We’re in the hamster kingdom. I kinda am the authorities.”“Yeah, but you’re more a hitting-things-with-a-sword princess than a rehabilitating-villains princess.”“Being hit with a sword can be very rehabilitating, under the right circumstances. "
― Ursula Vernon , Giant Trouble (Hamster Princess #4)
9 " Wilbur looked at the list glumly. "Are you sure you need all this stuff?""Yep.""The ax?""The ax is critical.""The chalk?""The chalk is super-critical.""The bungee cords?""Bungee cords are the single most useful object in the universe, Wilbur. People may say it’s duct tape, but it’s actually bungee cords. All great heroes know this. "
― Ursula Vernon , Ratpunzel (Hamster Princess, #3)
10 " There is something about a bathroom that feels like a fortress. A closed bathroom door may only be about two inches of plywood, but it feels like an iron bar. "
11 " So we have this eyesore on the property.No, it’s not the beagle. I can understand why you’d think that, though. "
12 " Okay. Morality in a nutshell. Don't hurt people if you can avoid it. Don't steal stuff unless you're starving or it's really, really important. Work hard. Pay your bills. Try to help others. Always double-check your math if there are explosives involved. If you screwed it up, you need to see it gets fixed. And don't eat anything that talks. If it doesn't fall under one of those categories, just do the best you can. "
― Ursula Vernon , Digger, Volume One (Digger, #1)
13 " Never underestimate the power of a good cup of coffee. "
14 " Once upon a time, there was a little creature that was rather small and rather wicked and it lived all alone in the woods. The little creature lived in a little den, at the bottom of a little ravine, filled with not-at-all little brambles and on the edge of a forest that could only be described as really freakin' huge. "
15 " I love boats. Boats are great. You can get all kinds of places and meet all kinds of interesting people, and you never know if they're going to try to eat you or worship you. "
― Ursula Vernon , Nurk: The Strange, Surprising Adventures of a (Somewhat) Brave Shrew
16 " Is your mom afraid something will happen to you?”“I,” said Harriet, with absolute confidence, “am something that happens to OTHER people. "
17 " The last time Wendell's mother had caught them playing cowboys and Indians, she'd read them a twenty-minute lecture on the history of Native American oppression, which had really put a damper on things. It was hard to have a thrilling shoot-out while yelling: 'I respect your position and hope that we can come to a mutually respectful conclusion! "
― Ursula Vernon , Revenge of the Horned Bunnies (Dragonbreath, #6)
18 " ...and that's how Snuggles the hamster learned that yes, things COULD always get worse. "
19 " I hate prophesies! All they're good for is an extra club to beat yourself up with after the fact. "
― Ursula Vernon , Digger, Volume Two
20 " Temper is itself an obstacle. "
