26
" All my life, I spend so much time, so much energy, hiding my heart. I am scare of tigers. But more, I am scare of the tiger in me,” she says. “I thought I have to hide my words, because my English not so good. I thought I have to hide my heart, because I feel too much. And I thought I have to hide my story, because I think if I tell it, it is who I am forever.” She takes a shallow breath. “But when I keep it tight-tight, it eat me up. I don’t see the love, all around me. "
― Tae Keller , When You Trap a Tiger
37
" I apologize for judging your culture and for being intolerant of other beliefs. I created a hostile environment, and…” He frowns, like he’s trying to remember his lines. Then he sighs and crumples, looking at me with pain on his face. “I really am sorry. My friends and I can be kind of the worst sometimes. I know my dad thinks that. And I’m sure my teachers do. And…you know, everyone.” I bite my lip. Ricky’s dad seems nicer than he did in the grocery store, but it’s still sad that Ricky feels that way. He takes a breath and continues. “But we really do think your hall-money is cool. Everybody in town does. And I feel really bad that she’s sick. I feel really bad that I said she’s sick. Sometimes my mouth keeps talking even when my brain knows it shouldn’t.” I can’t help but smile. “Thanks,” I say. I didn’t realize how much I was hoping to hear that. How much of a relief it is to know he doesn’t think Halmoni is creepy or scary or whatever. “I don’t think you’re the worst. And I shouldn’t have fed you mud.” I mean this, mostly. But if Halmoni’s right about the spell, it might not be so bad for him. He shrugs. “Mud has vitamins, probably. I’ve eaten worse.” “Oh.” “A worm,” he says. “Only once, though. And also another time, a Raisinet that definitely was not a Raisinet. I’m still not sure…Well, never mind.” I wait to see if he’s joking, but he’s serious. I fight back a smile. “But still. Sorry. It’s not like me to do that.” Then I correct myself. “Or, I guess it is? But I didn’t know that until now.” “It’s okay,” he says. “Let’s stop apologizing now. Apologizing is awkward.” I tug at one of my braids. “Do your friends hate me?” He laughs. “They think you’re supercool. They kept referring to you as Witch Girl. But not in a bad way. Anyone who does something like that is probably worth knowing.” I sneak a glance at him. He’s staring at me, but he looks away fast. His cheeks go splotchy. In that moment, I don’t feel like an invisible girl. But I also don’t want to be known for putting mud in someone’s pudding. I wonder if there’s a way to be a visible person and a good person at the same time. “Is that going to be my reputation in school now?” I ask. He tilts his head, thinking. “Well, yeah. But only until the next big thing.” Then after a moment, he adds, “I think it’s nice that you’re doing something to help your halmoni.” He still says it wrong, like hail-money, but he’s trying, and I appreciate it. "
― Tae Keller , When You Trap a Tiger
39
" Lily, when I tell my story, I am sad. So much of our family story is sad. And more than that: so much of Korean people story is sad. Long, long ago, Japan and United States people do wrong things to our country. But I don’t want to give you sad, angry stories. I don’t want to pass you those bad feelings.” Listening to her talk, I realize there is so much of the world that I don’t know. So much of my history, and so much of me. But I will learn it. Because even though the tiger’s stories upset me, I’m glad I heard them. They made me feel like the world is huge, and I’m filled up with it. Like I could hear the stars, and listen. "
― Tae Keller , When You Trap a Tiger
