Home > Author > Jimmy Tudeski
1 " Hence, why Tudeski is only my pen name (stage name – made up name) and I don't use my real surname when I write anything any longer. Clever of me, right? No, not really, my real surname got fucked over by critics long before I actually found out an author could use a pretend name – I just believe it's Tudeski's turn to take some of this shit now! "
― Jimmy Tudeski , Comedian Gone Wrong
2 " They say the content and the cover are the most important things when it comes to a book or a novel, right? I totally disagree – The reader is the most important thing to a book "
3 " Rebound sex is fine when you want to rebound and bounce back in life, but when you only want to bounce back into a bed with your ex-girlfriend, rebound sex would only ever turn out to be a regrettable thing "
― Jimmy Tudeski , Double Trouble
4 " When does anyone in the world utter those (Harmlessly flirting) words? When they're caught doing something wrong, right? Then how the fuck is it EVER considered harmless, if someone is ALWAYS going to be hurt by those words being said? There's NO harmless in harmless flirting and the sooner the world agrees with this, the sooner people will stop getting hurt by it being said all the bloody time! "
5 " Have you arrived at your happy day by day yet, or are you waiting for a happy ending that will never actually arrive? There's no happy ever after – Only, happy right now! "
― Jimmy Tudeski , Uck It List
6 " Isn't it weird when you trace over your footsteps to find something out, yet the footsteps only lead you straight back to the same confusing place you started out in? "
― Jimmy Tudeski , Mila Blitz
7 " It's not blind people who are blind - It's those racist arseholes who see a colour with their eyes wide open, then have a fucking problem with it "
― Jimmy Tudeski , Comedian Gone Wrong 2
8 " (Aries can be impatient)I wouldn't call myself impatient. I just like to get things done really fast. "
9 " In Lucy's eyes, a penis that doesn't grow, is a very ungrateful penis. "
10 " Seriously, so many times I've heard women talk about fast men unsatisfying them in the bedroom because they ejaculate too quickly, yet it seems now, if you don't ejaculate quick enough, then they will feel insecure about it instead. I don't get it - Too quick, you're rubbish, yet too long, then you're making them feel bad. "
― Jimmy Tudeski , Hollywood Girlfriend
11 " Glass half full, or glass half empty, what am I? The answer? I'm not the bloody glass, I'm the fucking tap! Meaning, whatever my glass decides to be on a certain day, empty or full, I control how I feel and the flow of the milkshake inside it "
12 " How long does it take to recover from a sex addiction? Saying that, what is a sex addiction anyway? I mean, I get a gambling or drink addiction could lead to bigger problems in life if you continue to do it, but how can sex addiction lead you anywhere but having more fun and more sex in life? Even if I was a recovering sex addict, would this actually bother me? Fuck yeah it would, because I wouldn't want to be in recovery and having less fucking sex, would I? "
13 " Pay closer attention to it's ears, the reason it's named the Rabbit. Is it just me, or do those ears also look like someone making a rude V-Sign hand gesture? Oh, I get it now. Yes, very funny! Those bunny ears are meant to stimulate the clitoris, right? And of course, statistics and studies in bullshit magazines claim that 1 in every 2 men can't find the clitoris, right? Meaning what I think it means and that the sexist female who obviously designed this device is basically sticking two fingers up at crappy men, because her world famous toy can find the users clitoris quicker "
14 " Remember, anyone can have car sex, yet it takes a truly active sexual imagine to make that car have sex with you too. The American's call it first base, second base, third base, don't they? I call it, first gear, second gear and reverse. "
15 " Clearly these were deliberate waterworks to make me feel bad about myself and what would you know, they water-worked perfectly! "
16 " I mean, drink driving is bad, drug driving is bad, but what is driving whilst under the influence of a fuc%ing nymphomaniac in your lap? How many years will this get me, if I do manage to keep my eyes on the road and not drive us off it first? "
17 " Shit – I was going to do it, I didn't want to do it, yet now she's said I don't have to do it, yet wants me to do it again, I don't actually know if I want to do it anymore. "
18 " This girl was so hot, that even if one of your friends slept with her, you would have ended up gloating about it yourself for him. "
19 " When a window is opened up from the inside for you to climb through, then that window isn't there to be climbed through by you "
20 " Why is the whole world arguing about sexism, racism and discrimination all the time, yet nobody talks about those bouncers outside nightclubs, discriminating against older people and their right to have a drink and a little dance? "
