1
" When their partners, especially those with strong Fe expressiveness, come to them with an urgent need for support or reassurance, INTPs may find themselves feeling angry or spiteful rather than compassionate. This response is not intentional, but is more of a knee-jerk reaction stemming from feelings of powerlessness and ineptitude. This problem also ties into the fact that INTPs fail to experience empathy to the degree that Feeling types do. INTPs do not want to feign empathy, as it feels awkward and inauthentic. So all they feel capable of doing is proffering potential solutions in a Ti-Ne
fashion, which may leave their support-seeking partner feeling frustrated and unsatisfied. This dissatisfaction may, in turn, further fuel INTPs’ sense of spite and anger, since they feel they are being asked to function inauthentically and “out of their element. "
― A.J. Drenth , The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning
2
" INTPs desperately want to know who they are, how they should live, and the sorts of things they should be doing. Similar to other IN types, INTPs see it necessary to understand themselves—their personality, interests, abilities, and values—before they can act in the world with any degree of confidence or conviction. "
― A.J. Drenth , The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning
3
" Because INTPs are relatively ill-equipped to navigate emotionally-difficult situations, their inferior Fe is inclined to do all it can to defend itself. Hence, in emotionally intense or chaotic situations, INTPs may suddenly be overwhelmed with feelings of rage and anger, which, left unmitigated, may quickly transport them to the dark side. "
― A.J. Drenth , The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning
5
" INTPs can be hoarders and misers of time. Their objective is to maximize time to themselves for exploring and developing their interests. So whenever another person enters their personal space, INTPs may worry over what might happen to their cherished time. If INTPs are happy in their careers, time may be a relative non-issue, since they will have plenty of time to satisfy their Ti and Ne at work. If not, however, they may come to see their partner as a potential threat to their time and freedom.
With all that said, what would seem an admirable reason for INTPs to participate in a relationship is out of genuine interest in their partner. This would typically involve a love for his or her mind and ideas, the type of partner David Keirsey has dubbed a “mindmate. "
― A.J. Drenth , The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning
6
" First, the moment INTPs stop sharing certain thoughts with their partners is the moment they begin to detach from and devalue them. At that moment, the INTP is no longer relating to his or her partner, but has chosen to become a free agent.
Second, when INTPs fail to share their thoughts, the relationship immediately becomes less interesting to them. Remember, the most honest and authentic reason for INTPs to be in a relationship is to learn and explore with their partner. So as soon as they turn down an independent path and start moving away from their partner, they have forsaken the primary purpose of the relationship. "
― A.J. Drenth , The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning
7
" While they can certainly derive great pleasure from reflection and contemplation, there are times when they fatigue of thinking, feel they have reached a dead end, or just want to “get out of their own head.” When this occurs, INTPs may struggle to find meaningful alternatives. Since their purpose and identity often revolve around N pursuits, they may view S activities as essentially pointless or mundane. This can create a situation in which their happiness seems to hinge almost entirely on the success of their N affairs. And since periods of inspiration and N success are bound to ebb and flow, they may find themselves trapped in a sort of bipolar existence—ecstatic one moment, down and depressed the next. "
― A.J. Drenth , The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning
13
" Types with Si in their functional stack, including INTPs, tend to eat a fairly routine or consistent diet, "eating to live" rather than "living to eat." They are also conservative with regard to their resources, tending toward saving over spending. Minimalists to the core, INTPs have a diminished need for novel physical pleasures and material comforts. Their mates may get frustrated with their tendency to shoot down proposed expenditures, most of which seem superfluous or otherwise unnecessary to the bare bones pragmatist that is the INTP "
― A.J. Drenth , The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning
14
" Despite their difficulty in connecting with others on a feeling level, INTPs’ Fe still desires the same sense of affirmation and validation that FJs experience when engaging with people. This desire for affirmation can be seen as a motivating force behind INTPs' quest for recognition and achievement. It also explains why many INTPs score high as Enneagram Threes (3) and display certain narcissistic tendencies.
Since INTPs rely on others for affirmation, they often feel they cannot live without at least one other person in their lives. Their fear of being alone or unneeded may play a significant role in their perceived need for romantic relationships. There are also times, however, when INTPs feel incredibly independent (Ti) and may even convince themselves they don’t need other people. This is especially true in periods where they are completely absorbed in the creative flow of their work. But after long droughts of human interaction, INTPs begin to feel that something is missing from their lives. This prompts them to reinitiate contact with others, at least until they feel compelled to assert their independence again. "
― A.J. Drenth , The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning
15
" Ideally, INTPs might envision their lives unfolding in the following way: 1) acquire adequate self-knowledge; 2) apply that self-knowledge to procure a fulfilling work life; 3) find someone to share that life with.
Unfortunately, what often happens is quite the opposite. Before really knowing themselves, they dive into a career, get married, have children, and suddenly find themselves dissatisfied in their careers and relationships. They then feel stuck, seeing it as overly difficult to change or reinvent their careers, or to heal or discontinue their relationships. They therefore live out much of their lives in limbo, feeling restless, aimless, and dissatisfied. "
― A.J. Drenth , The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning
16
" INTPs can also be rather slow in disclosing the true contents of their inner world. As strange as it may seem to some, INTPs conceal some of their most dominant personality features, namely, their cerebral, rational side. Indeed, it may only be a select few who are granted full access to this side of the INTP. Perhaps the best way of sampling INTPs’ inner world is through their work, such as by reading something they have written. This may explain why INTPs often take interest in writing, which provides a forum for more robust and precise self-expression. "
― A.J. Drenth , The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning
18
" Unlike Extraverted Sensing (Se), Ne is not attuned to concrete, sense data. Indeed, INTPs are among the oblivious to environmental details of all types, commonly missing things that seem obvious to others. Ne looks beyond sense data, allowing INTPs to discern unseen patterns, possibilities, and potentials. It is constantly scanning for relationships or patterns within pools of facts, ideas, or experiences. INTPs commonly exercise this receptive element of Ne in activities such as reading, researching, listening to talk radio, or engaging in conversation. "
― A.J. Drenth , The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning
19
" In contending with their own inner beast, they may experience any number of dark thoughts or urges. These may range from suicidal thoughts, to intense feelings of hatred, to fantasies of criminal acts. Generally, such thoughts are rather short-lived, truncated by a diminishment of the emotion, effective distractions, a return of Ti reasonability, or some combination thereof. But if INTPs dwell in darkness for any sustained period of time, they may find themselves in serious trouble. Of all types, they are probably the least likely to seek outside help, putting them at greater risk for becoming a victim of their own dark side. "
― A.J. Drenth , The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, & the Quest for Truth and Meaning
