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1 " awakening: (n.) experience of opening one’s eyes to the way the world is not. "
― Sol Luckman , The Angel's Dictionary
2 " coffee: (n.) caffeinated beverage God gave us to drink in the morning so we might resist the urge to crawl immediately back in bed. "
3 " activism: (n.) opting for a lifestyle of getting off your ass. "
4 " academia: (n.) terminal condition in which the head gradually swells while the heart slowly atrophies. "
5 " atheist: (n.) one who dislikes people who believe in God. "
6 " disclosure: (n.) when they finally tell us everything and nothing changes. "
7 " brain fart: (n.) noxious gas emitted when mainstream journalists commit their thoughts to paper. "
8 " child sacrifice: (n.) crime of committing children to public education. "
9 " banker: (n.) scam of the earth. "
10 " antibiotic: (n.) drug that requires immediate administration of probiotics. "
11 " census: (n.) being counted so we can be discounted. "
12 " Bill of Rights: (n.) official tally of how much our rights cost to keep. "
13 " cancer: (n.) often deadly allergic reaction to modern life. "
14 " fanny-pack: (v.) to put on a few extra pounds during the holiday season. "
15 " cashless society: (n.) dystopian civilization where you can be sure the real terrorists have won. "
16 " bribery: (n.) invisible grease that makes politics go round and round. "
17 " hospital: (n.) where the healthy go to get misdiagnosed and the sick go to get mistreated. "
18 " bombast: (n.) boasting of war crimes. "
19 " antidepressant: (n.) any of various energetic techniques for warding off parasitic friends, colleagues, and family members. "
20 " bureaucrat: (n.) career sadist who uses red tape to immobilize victims. "
