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I'm Afraid of Men QUOTES

I'm Afraid of Men QUOTES

1 " My brownness turns out to be a form of queerness in and of itself and makes me too queer for gay men. "

― Vivek Shraya , I'm Afraid of Men

2 " I have always been disturbed by this transition, by the reality that often the only way to capture someone’s attention and to encourage them to recognize their own internal biases (and to work to alter them) is to confront them with sensational stories of suffering. Why is my humanity only seen or cared about when I share the ways in which I have been victimized and violated? "

― Vivek Shraya , I'm Afraid of Men

3 " I’m afraid of men because it was men who taught me to fear. I’m afraid of men because it was men who taught me to fear the word girl by turning it into a weapon they used to hurt me. I’m afraid of men because it was men who taught me to hate and eventually destroy my femininity. I’m afraid of men because it was men who taught me to fear the extraordinary parts of myself "

― Vivek Shraya , I'm Afraid of Men

4 " The pressure to be “good” is not exclusive to one gender, nor is it applied equally to all genders. To be clear, the stress on girls to be “good” far surpasses any stress men might feel to be “good.” This disparity is perhaps best exemplified by the fact that when a girl does something “wrong,” few mourn her goodness. We rarely hear, “I thought she was one of the good girls.” Women who behave “badly” are ultimately not given the same benefit of the doubt as men and are immediately cast off as bitches or sluts. Men might be written off as “dogs,” but their reckless behaviour is more often unnoticed, forgiven, or even celebrated—hence our cultural fixation with bad boys. "

― Vivek Shraya , I'm Afraid of Men

5 " Sexist comments, intimidation, groping, violating boundaries, and aggression are merely seen as "typical" for men. But "typical" is dangerously interchangeable with "acceptable". "

― Vivek Shraya , I'm Afraid of Men

6 " Queerness is associated with freedom from boundaries. "

― Vivek Shraya , I'm Afraid of Men

7 " Falling in love with another human is terrifying. As our language insists, romantic love is always preceded by a fall, the necessity of losing control and potentially hurting yourself in the process of connecting with another "

― Vivek Shraya , I'm Afraid of Men

8 " But your fear is not only hurting me, it's hurting you, limiting you from being everything you could be. Consider how often you have dismissed your own appearance, behaviours, emotions, and aspirations for being too feminine or masculine. What might your life be if you didn't impose these designations on yourself, let alone on me? "

― Vivek Shraya , I'm Afraid of Men

9 " Why is my humanity only seen or cared about when I share the ways in which I have been victimized and violated? "

― Vivek Shraya , I'm Afraid of Men

10 " What would my body look and feel like if I didn't have to mold it into both a shield and an ornament? How do I love a body that was never fully my own? "

― Vivek Shraya , I'm Afraid of Men

11 " The theme of entitlement to space that emerges in many of my recollections of men, and in my own masculine development, is colonial code for claiming someone else's space. Whether it's through an emphasis on being large and muscular, or asserting power by an extended or intimidating stride on sidewalks, being loud in bars, manspreading on public transit, or enacting harm of violence on others, taking up space is a form of misogyny because so often the space that men try to seize and dominate belongs to women and gender-nonconforming people. "

― Vivek Shraya , I'm Afraid of Men

12 " This praise highlights another problem with the idea of the "good man"—the bar is ultimately a low one, and men are heralded every day for engaging in basic acts of domestic labour like washing dishes. It is this low bar that also renders the experiences I've shared unexceptional and therefore so often unnoticed. Sexist comments, intimidation, groping, violating boundaries, and aggression are seen as merely "typical" for men. But "typical" is dangerously interchangeable with "acceptable." "Boys will be boys," after all. "

― Vivek Shraya , I'm Afraid of Men

13 " Why is being touch by strangers — strangers who refuse to identify themselves — a form of flattery? "

― Vivek Shraya , I'm Afraid of Men

14 " When I was learning to be a man, I wish that instead of the coaching I received to take up space, I had been taught to be respectful of space. To be ever conscious of and ever grateful to those whose sacred land I inhabit. To be mindful of the space and bodies of others, especially feminine bodies. To never presume that I am permetted to touch the body of another, no matter how queer space. To give up or create space when I am afforded more than others. "

― Vivek Shraya , I'm Afraid of Men

15 " How cruel it is to have endured two decades of being punished for being too girly only to be told that I am now not girly enough. "

― Vivek Shraya , I'm Afraid of Men

16 " ...to what extent is sexuality shaped and constrained by childhood experiences of male violence? What might desire feel like if the construction of sexuality didn't take place in tandem with childhood experiences of violence from men? "

― Vivek Shraya , I'm Afraid of Men

17 " If we want masculinity to be different, we must confront and tackle the baseline instead of longing for exceptions. Loving your mother, holding a door open for a woman, being a good listener, or even being a feminist doesn't make a man an exception. Experiencing oppression—including racism, homophobia, and transphobia—doesn't make a man an exception. If we are invested in perpetuating and glorifying the myth of the "good man," we are also complicit in overlooking, if not permitting, the reprehensible behaviour of the "typical man. "

― Vivek Shraya , I'm Afraid of Men

18 " My friendship with you marks the first time in my adult life when a man not only makes me feel that I can offer what I've chosen to offer, but also that it will be welcomed. "

― Vivek Shraya , I'm Afraid of Men

19 " The disdain for women and femininity is insidious, infecting even those who profess to love women, and it takes many forms. "

― Vivek Shraya , I'm Afraid of Men

20 " If we want masculinity to be different, we must
confront and tackle the baseline instead of longing for exceptions. "

― Vivek Shraya , I'm Afraid of Men