Home > Work > Only Gone From Your Sight: Jack McAfghan's Little Guide to Pet Loss and Grief
1 " I feel like I have lost myself. I want to find the “Me” that went away with you. The part of me that loved so unceasingly without condition. The part of me that loved the way you taught me how to love. The part of me that felt more real than I ever felt before. No one seems to find that “Me” and I can’t find Me either. "
― Kate McGahan , Only Gone From Your Sight: Jack McAfghan's Little Guide to Pet Loss and Grief
2 " If you have not resolved your grief, it will affect your future relationships including the one you have with yourself. Including the one you have with me. It will keep us all in a holding pattern, putting a straightjacket on your love and chaining you to the past instead of moving you forward into the future. "
3 " Many of you struggle to see the signs. Grief builds a wall that can keep us apart. Do you wonder why you can’t see me, sense me, feel me? It’s because when you weep and whine and brood and think yourself guilty when you are not, it pushes against my energy so I cannot reach you. When you have such an outpouring of emotion and sorrow, it’s like me trying to swim upstream through a waterfall of tears to get to you. But if you can try to relax and have faith in me, I can sail right over to you on the calm waters of your soul. "
4 " The less you cling to something, the less fear you have of losing that something or someone. The less fear you have, the more love you have. It is true that you love even more when you let go of the need for it. Love grows when grief goes. Make your love stronger than your fear. Strive to make your love greater than your need and let love be the most powerful force in your life. Then nothing can overcome you. "
5 " The dealing with grief cannot be bypassed. It is a road you must walk, a race you must finish and no one else can do it for you. If you try to sneak through it without it seeing you, it will seep into your life when you least expect it. Grief will not let you go until you satisfy what it came to teach you. "
6 " When it came time for me to leave you, it felt to you like I had taken your love away with me. You think your love went with me but it did not. Feel it now. Feel the love you have for me. It is there, isn’t it? It is there inside your heart. It is there because it is YOURS. It is your love for me. Because it is yours, no one can ever take it away from you. It is your love for me and mine for you that hold us together like glue through everything, through good times and bad, through life and through death. "
7 " Listen to the words you say. The very words you say to them are the very words you need to hear. Humans tend to give each other what they themselves need. So tell them these important things and then turn around and tell them to your very own heart. "
8 " Intuition is a wonderful gift but it can be both a blessing and a curse. If you can easily tune in to the grief of another, it is very easy to lose your way if you have not yet resolved your own present or past trauma and grief. If you have not healed from your own grief and you turn around and give all you have to give, you will find yourself drowning. Soon there will be nothing left of you. "
9 " It is through the heart that we see, hear and feel most clearly. It is like a radio signal. When it is strong the heart is like a megaphone and I get your message loud and clear. You message echoes throughout the universe when it comes from the heart on the wings of intention and faith. It is the most direct line of communication in existence once you filter out the “interference” of worry and doubt in your head, the thoughts that don’t matter and only serve to block the reception. Your intention is the force, love is the connection and faith is the key that opens the door between you and me. "
10 " Believe me when I tell you this. It will just take a little time and you will one day find that all your loves have merged together. You will be surprised because you will find yourself laughing or smiling over a memory of me and that’s when you will know that your tears will soon subside. I want you to be free to love again and to be happy when you are reminded of me! You’ll get there, you’ll see, and it will be sweet and beautiful with a few sentimental tears now and again for all the loves you have had. "
11 " I know what you are thinking. You can’t now fathom ever forgetting to think about me. You’re afraid that if you move forward, it will take you further away from me. This is a common misconception shared by many people and it delays their healing... It keeps you stuck in you grief and it’s only because you are still clinging to me. You think if you stop grieving that you will lose me. Maybe you even feel if you let go of me that you are abandoning me; maybe you feel that you will hurt my feelings because if it were the other way around you would not ever want me to forget about you. You are afraid that if you love again that you will grow away from me. I am Here! I am here, waiting to run to you when the time comes. It’s unconditional. It’s forever. "
12 " Home is not where I live. Home is where I love. "
13 " So many people say they put their pets 'down' when they are really lifting them up. "
14 " You never do fully recover “You.” You will never have another relationship exactly like the one we had. You will become more for the loss of me and you will move forward into a New You. The You I helped you to become. All you can do now is to begin to create the beautiful New You that has been born from your love and from your loss. "
15 " You complain of ‘the hole in your heart’ but it isn’t a hole in your heart at all. When I left you I took a piece of your heart with me. I filled up the hole with a piece of mine so that we would never ever be separated. "
16 " You don’t want to think about it but it’s the first thing on your mind. You say, “We made THE APPOINTMENT.” You avoid the word “euthanasia” because it makes everything too real. It is a beautiful word, really. It is Greek for “easy death” and it is true, there is no easier death than this. It is unfortunate that, once again, people are so afraid of death in all its forms that they find it so difficult even when the time of death is peaceful. "
17 " A memory comes up and you brace yourself. What will it be? Something that makes you cry? So what if it makes you cry? Why do you judge your tears? That’s another lie that someone told you. That tears are bad. That tears are a sign of weakness. Tears are a sign of life and love and like the spring rains that wash away the harshness of winter they nourish and clear the way for regeneration. Tears are a part of life. Sadness and sorrow are a part of life. Are you willing to cut off the life we shared together simply because you do not want to feel your sorrow or the wet tears upon your face? "
18 " There are worse things than to cross the bridge into the peace that is Heaven. In fact, there is really nothing better. I know it’s hard for you to face my death. It’s harder for you than it is for me. I am not grieving. You are. You do not grieve for me; you grieve for you for the loss of me. There is no loss in this scenario for me. I will have the peace that is Heaven and I will still have you. I will have everything. "
19 " Going with the flow of life is like catching a train at the station. You need to be at the right station at the right time and board the right train to get you where you need to be. If you go earlier than you’re supposed to, you can catch the wrong train. You don’t want to do that because it will just take you further away from me than you feel you already are. You need to go through the growing pains of grief so that you and I can fulfill our destiny and be in the right place at the right time to be reunited again. "
20 " You can never lose me. Someday you will see that I was with you all along. You will find out that what you have loved you can never lose. "
