Home > Work > The Honest Toddler: A Child's Guide to Parenting
1 " Today I am planting a garden of happiness. The seeds are my closed mouth. "
― Bunmi Laditan , The Honest Toddler: A Child's Guide to Parenting
2 " Story time isn't much better. Imagine sitting in a circle with acquaintances, chanting spells and being drilled on a variety of subjects. "What sound does a duck make?" Who cares? When will I need to know that? How is this knowledge of barnyard animals and their corresponding noises going to improve my life? Toddlers who get up to stretch their legs or explore will be publicly admonished. The participation reward will not be a glazed doughnut, so don't bother. "
3 " Reflection, and Loneliness. Awwww. I also call this stage the “My Chemical Romance Sea of Emo Sad.” You’re thinking about life before children, trying to calculate how much an au pair would cost, or whether the grandparents would consider joint custody. "
4 " Toddlers are tired of hearing Facebook notifications during story time. We’re sick of having to sit in parked cars, fully strapped in, while you make sure you get the last word on a virtual dispute with an acquaintance. "
5 " Wrong: Sadie, it looks like Henry wants to play with your LEGOs. Why don’t you give up your dreams and let him destroy everything? Right: Sadie, it looks like Henry wants to play with your LEGOs. Move aside while I throw him out of this house. Seventy percent of all toddler-on-toddler violence comes from sharing. Eighty-six percent of toddler illness is a direct result of sharing. Behind errands, sharing is the number one cause of loud responses. Do you still think it’s a good idea? Sharing is a socially accepted form of theft and needs to be abolished. "
6 " Lentils taste like wartime and look like destruction. They’re the perfect punishment for a traitor. "
7 " Last week I shared a loud response in our local Linens 'N Things. Don't be confused by the name of this retail outlet. There are no Things. Just Linens. "
8 " Sharing is a socially accepted form of theft and needs to be abolished. "
