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1 " When you are walking down the road in Bali and your pass a stranger, the very first question he or she will ask you is, " Where are you going?" The second question is, " Where are you coming from?" To a Westerner, this can seem like a rather invasive inquiry from a perfect stranger, but they're just trying to get an orientation on you, trying to insert you into the grid for the purposes of security and comfort. If you tell them that you don't know where you're going, or that you're just wandering about randomly, you might instigate a bit of distress in the heart of your new Balinese friend. It's far better to pick some kind of specific direction -- anywhere -- just so everybody feels better.The third question a Balinese will almost certainly ask you is, " Are you married?" Again, it's a positioning and orienting inquiry. It's necessary for them to know this, to make sure that you are completely in order in your life. They really want you to say yes. it's such a relief to them when you say yes. If you're single, it's better not to say so directly. And I really recommend that you not mention your divorce at all, if you happen to have had one. It just makes the Balinese so worried. The only thing your solitude proves to them is your perilous dislocation from the grid. If you are a single woman traveling through Bali and somebody asks you, " Are you married?" the best possible answer is: " Not yet." This is a polite way of saying, " No," while indicating your optimistic intentions to get that taken care of just as soon as you can.Even if you are eighty years old, or a lesbian, or a strident feminist, or a nun, or an eighty-year-old strident feminist lesbian nun who has never been married and never intends to get married, the politest possible answer is still: " Not yet. "
2 " Do not let your divorce define you and the rest of your life. Let go of anger and embrace the future possibilities of infinitesimal happiness "
3 " This is good and hot." " I remember you used to say that about someone I know." He shakes his head. " Give it up, Scotts. That boat sailed, sank, and got towed." " But..." " No. It ain't going to happen." He sits down next to me and I curl up next to him." Nicky, it's hard being a child of your divorce and probably the reason somebody is dead." Nick raises my head with his hands and looks at me and smiles." Life bites, baby girl." " ...and sucks." Amen. "
4 " Live-tweeting your bikini wax is not vulnerability. Nor is posting a blow-by-blow of your divorce . That's an attempt to hot-wire connection. But you can't cheat real connection. It's built up slowly. It's about trust and time. "
5 " Like the marriage contract you entered into, your divorce is a legal transaction. Treat it that way. Try not to let emotion, hurt, fear or anger dictate the circumstances of your discussions or negotiations. "