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1 " Privatizing our public schools makes as much sense as privatizing the fire department or or the police department "
― Diane Ravitch
2 " I was the first woman to burn my bra - it took the fire department four days to put it out. "
― Dolly Parton
3 " It seems like it might go on for a while, so Tausolo takes a seat and looks around the sergeant's cubicle. There's not much to see, since the guy just arrived at the WTB, only a blank form tacked to a wall that looks like every other army form in the world." Hurt Feelings Report," it is titled. " Whiner's name," it says under that. " Which ear were the words of hurtfulness spoken into?" it says under that. " Is there permanent feeling damage?" " Did you require a 'tissue' for tears?" " Has this resulted in a traumatic brain injury?" " Reason for filing this report," it says under that. " Mark all that apply." " I am a wimp." " I am a crybaby." " I want my mommy." " I was told that I am not a hero." " Narrative," it says under that. " Tell us in your own sissy words how your feelings were hurt." Finally at the bottom of the form:We, as the Army, take hurt feelings seriously. If you don't have someone who can give you a hug and make things all better, please let us know and we will promptly dispatch a " hugger" to you ASAP. In the event we are unable to find a " hugger" we will notify the fire department and request that they send fire personnel to your location. If you are in need of supplemental support, upon written request, we will make every reasonable effort to provide you with a " blankey," a " binky" and/or a bottle if you so desire. "
4 " Six-Pack didn't despise George W. Bush to the degree that Ketchum did, but she thought the president was a smirking twerp and a dumbed-down daddy's boy, and she agreed with Ketchum's assessment that Bush would be as worthless as wet crap in even the smallest crisis. If a fight broke out between two small dogs, for example, Ketchum claimed that Bush would call the fire department and ask them to bring a hose; then the president would position himself at a safe distance from the dogfight, and wait for the firemen to show up. The part Pam liked best about this assessment was that Ketchum said the president would instantly look self-important, and would appear to be actively involved--that is, once the firefighters and their hose arrived, and provided there was anything remaining of the mess the two dogs might have made of each other in the interim. "
― John Irving , Last Night in Twisted River
5 " I had to stop him from arresting an old lady who let her dog urinate against the fire hydrant that was in front of Burgerville headquarters." You'll blow our cover." " But what if there is a fire?" " The fire department will come and put it out," I said." With what?" " Water," I said." Not from that hydrant," Monk said. " It's inoperable." " No, it's not," I said. " It can still be used." " There is urine all over it," Monk said. " no fireman would dare touch it, nor would any other human being." " Firefighters run into burning buildings," I said." They aren't going to care about some dog pee on a fire hydrant." " They would if they knew," Monk said. " We should call and warn them. Call Joe right now. He can get the word out faster than we can." " Every fire hydrant in the city has dog pee on it, Mr. Monk. It's how dogs mark their territory. I can guarantee you that every male dog that has passed that hydrant has pissed on it." He looked at me, wide eyed, " No." " It's what dogs do," I said. " The firefighters knows this." Monk swallowed hard. " And they still use the hydrants?" " Of course they do." " They are the bravest men on earth," Monk said solemnly. "
