8
" Shrieking Brooke’s name as loudly as I could, out in the corridor, I brought her running quickly to my room.
‘What’s happened, what’s wrong?’ she immediately cried concerned, legging it up the stairs two at a time. She appeared breathless outside the kitchen door. Brian appeared sleepily at his door too, awoken by the noise, and watched us.
‘She’s moving,’ I cried.
‘What? Flutters like before?’
‘No more, here feel.’ I grabbed her hand and pushed it down onto my
exposed belly. Brian averted his eyes as I stood, belly out and top up over my bra, in the middle of the corridor.
‘I can’t push you that hard,’ she exclaimed, pulling back her fingers surprised. ‘It will hurt you, or her, I can’t do that.’
‘Yes, you can,’ I insisted. ‘You won’t hurt us.’ I pulled her hand back and pushed her long fingers into my belly and we stood waiting, hardly daring to breathe. You kicked again, hard into my side, under Brooke’s long pink fingernails. Brooke jumped away from me in shock and then burst out laughing. She clapped her hands together delighted.
‘Well?’ I asked her.
‘She kicked me,’ Brooke shrieked still jumping up and down clapping. ‘She kicked me. That was amazing, let me do it again.’ She came back over towards me slowly. Cautiously she pushed her fingers into the same spot on my side. We waited again in silence and I saw her face slightly drop as the seconds ticked by.
‘Ah it works,’ she yelled, as again she jumped back shocked as the tiny little feet thudded from my insides at her hand. ‘I love it. Do it again.’ I laughed and then Brian stepped forward.
‘Can I have a go?’ he asked quietly, fiddling with his hands and stepping out of his room towards us.
‘Of course you can, come here.’
And that is how we spent the next few minutes out in the corridor by the kitchen, shrieking, whooping, and jumping around. If anyone had been in the house, I know they would probably have thought we were all mad. Mad, no. Thrilled and excited, most definitely.
Baby girl, you did that to us. Thank you. "
― Emily Williams , Letters to Eloise
12
" I thought about suicide all the time, but it seemed toomuch effort, swallowing all those pills or jumping off things. If I'd lived out in the country I would have found a quiet stretch of railway track, and lain on it, fallen asleep, so that I would never have known when my last moment came. In London, the minimum tube fare had gone up so much that even to get near the line cost a fortune. Suicide seemed an extravagance I couldn't afford. People never leave you alone, either; I knew that if I'd tried to lie down on the line, any number of commuters would have pulled me off again, so that I didn't delay their train. There must have been murderers out there who wanted to kill, with no way of finding those who wanted to be dead. If there had been some way of contacting them, a date-with-death line, I would have called them to set up a meeting. The current ways of death seemed too haphazard; it was all left up to chance. Had Chance come up, tapped me on the shoulder, said " Oi, you - long black tunnel, white light, off you go," I wouldn't have complained. It was like having frostbite all over - feeling numb and in pain at the same time. "
15
" ...Pouring every bit of the emotion she felt into her kiss, Blair melted into her partner until she could feel own her knees weaken. “I love you so much. It… it frightens me, but I can’t hold back.” “It frightens you?” “Yes. More than I can tell.” “Don’t be frightened,” Kylie murmured. “I’ll never hurt you, sweetheart. I swear!” “I know,” Blair said. “It’s not that… it’s… oh, I don’t know what it is. I’m just scared.” “Don’t let love frighten you. It’s freeing. Trust me.” “I do. I do trust you.” “That’s what love is,” Kylie said fervently. “It’s jumping out of a plane without a parachute, but knowing with every fiber of your being that you’re safe. Your lover will protect you. No matter what. It’s blind faith, Blair. Totally blind faith.” " I’ve never… ever felt this way before,” Blair said, tears filling her eyes. “I’m so frightened, Kylie. Please, please don’t hurt me.” She held on to her lover with all of her might, sobbing so hard she felt sick. “I’ll always be there for you. I’ll catch you. I promise I’ll catch you. "