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abroad  QUOTES

18 " I am not sure whether you could call this abuse, but when I was (long ago) abroad in the world of dry men, I saw parents, usually upscale and educated and talented and functional and white, patient and loving and supportive and concerned and involved in their children’s lives, profilgate with compliments and diplomatic with constructive criticism, loquacious in their pronouncements of unconditional love for and approval of their children, conforming to every last jot-tittle in any conceivably definition of a good parent, I saw parent after unimpeachable parent who raised kids who were (a) emotionally retarded or (b) lethally self-indulgent or (c) chronically depressed or (d) borderline psychotic or (e) consumed with narcissistic self-loathing or (f) neurotically driven/addicted or (g) variously psychosomatically Disabled or (h) some conjunctive permutation of (a) … (g).

Why is this. Why do many parents who seem relentlessly bent on producing children who feel they are good persons deserving of love produce children who grow to feel they are hideous persons not deserving of love who just happen to have lucked into having parents so marvelous that the parents love them even though they are hideous?

Is it a sign of abuse if a mother produces a child who believes not that he is innately beautiful and lovable and deserving of magnificent maternal treatment but somehow that he is a hideous unlovable child who has somehow lucked in to having a really magnificent mother? Probably not.

But could such a mother then really be all that magnificent, if that’s the child’s view of himself?

...I think, Mrs. Starkly, that I am speaking of Mrs. Avril M.-T. Incandenza, although the woman is so multileveled and indictment-proof that it is difficult to feel comfortable with any sort of univocal accusation of anything. Something just was not right, is the only way to put it. Something creepy, even on the culturally stellar surface. "

David Foster Wallace , Infinite Jest

20 " My old friend, what are you looking for?After years abroad you’ve come backwith images you’ve nourishedunder foreign skiesfar from you own country.’‘I’m looking for my old garden;the trees come to my waistand the hills resemble terracesyet as a childI used to play on the grassunder great shadowsand I would run for hoursbreathless over the slopes.’‘My old friend, rest,you’ll get used to it little by little;together we will climbthe paths you once knew,we will sit togetherunder the plane trees’ dome.They’ll come back to you little by little,your garden and your slopes.’‘I’m looking for my old house,the tall windowsdarkened by ivy;I’m looking for the ancient columnknown to sailors.How can I get into this coop?The roof comes to my shouldersand however far I lookI see men on their kneesas though saying their prayers.’‘My old friend, don’t you hear me?You’ll get used to it little by little.Your house is the one you seeand soon friends and relativeswill come knocking at the doorto welcome you back tenderly.’‘Why is your voice so distant?Raise your head a littleso that I understand you.As you speak you growgradually smalleras though you’re sinking into the ground.’‘My old friend, stop a moment and think:you’ll get used to it little by little.Your nostalgia has createda non-existent country, with lawsalien to earth and man.’‘Now I can’t hear a sound.My last friend has sunk.Strange how from time to timethey level everything down.Here a thousand scythe-bearing chariots go pastand mow everything down "