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1 " When God Created Mothers" When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of " overtime" when the angel appeared and said. " You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one." And God said, " Have you read the specs on this order?" She has to be completely washable, but not plastic. Have 180 moveable parts...all replaceable. Run on black coffee and leftovers. Have a lap that disappears when she stands up. A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair. And six pairs of hands." The angel shook her head slowly and said. " Six pairs of hands.... no way." It's not the hands that are causing me problems," God remarked, " it's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have." That's on the standard model?" asked the angel. God nodded. One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, 'What are you kids doing in there?' when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say. 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word." God," said the angel touching his sleeve gently, " Get some rest tomorrow...." I can't," said God, " I'm so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick...can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger...and can get a nine year old to stand under a shower." The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. " It's too soft," she sighed. But tough!" said God excitedly. " You can imagine what this mother can do or endure." Can it think?" Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise," said the Creator. Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. There's a leak," she pronounced. " I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model." It's not a leak," said the Lord, " It's a tear." What's it for?" It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride." You are a genius, " said the angel. Somberly, God said, " I didn't put it there. "
2 " Oh God, my stomach must have won a medal- it's doing a lap of honour now. "
3 " There are two good reasons to put your napkin in your lap. One is that food might spill in your lap, and it is better to stain the napkin than your clothing. The other is that it can serve as a perfect hiding place. Practically nobody is nosey enough to take the napkin off a lap to see what is hidden there. "
― Lemony Snicket , Who Could That Be at This Hour? (All the Wrong Questions, #1)
4 " Every cat knows how to keep his owner feeding them: You may scratch and bite ninety-nine times, but the hundredth time, you must leap into a lap and press your nose to their nose. Rules are for dogs. "
― Catherynne M. Valente , The Girl Who Raced Fairyland All the Way Home (Fairyland, #5)
5 " Bloody rain” says Mr ChiversBouncing a basketballOn the one dry patch of courtbloody rain” he nods to our Sports classAnd gives us the afternoon off.Bloody rain all rightAs Annabel and I run to Megalong Creek hutFaster than we ever have in Chivers’s classAnd the exercise we have in mindWe’ve been training for all yearBut I doubt if old ChiversWill give us a medal if he ever finds out.We high jump into the hutAnd strip downClimb under the blanketsAnd cheer the bloody rain As it does a lap or twoAround the mountainWhile Annabel and meEmbrace like winners shouldLike good sports doAs Mr. Chivers sips his third coffeeAnd twitches his bad kneeFrom his playing daysWhile miles awayAnnabel and IScore a convincing victoryAnd for once in our school lifeThe words “Physical Education”Make sense… "
― Steven Herrick , Kissing Annabel: Love, Ghosts, and Facial Hair; A Place Like This
6 " Being outside during the space walk, the view of the Earth is just spectacular, and getting a chance to do that is just unbelievable, everything about it. You are going around the Earth at 17,500 miles an hour, so you have 45 minutes of sunlight followed by 45 minutes of darkness. You do a lap every 90 minutes. "