" Me: Did you get your tree yet? Ken: I’m a Jew, I don’t decorate Christmas trees. Me: So you’re going to go with a wreath instead? Ken: I just told you, I’m a Jew. Me: Oh, I get it. You’re looking for a cheap wreath. Ken: I’m not looking for a wreath at all. Leave me alone, will you. Me: You’re probably just tense because you haven’t finished your Christmas shopping. Ken: I don’t Christmas shop. Me: What are you telling me? That you make all of your presents? Ken: I don’t give Christmas presents period. Goddamit, I told you, I’m a Jew. Me: Well, don’t you at least need to buy something for your parents? "

― David Sedaris , Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim