" Which is why,” Avi continued, “we can recognize we are in the box to begin with. When we are noticing we are in the box, it is because we are noticing that we aren’t feeling and seeing in one direction like we are in another. We are able to recognize the difference because the difference is within us. Which is to say that we have out-of-the-box places within us—relationships and memories that are not twisted and distorted by blame and self-justification.” “Okay,” Lou said, “but what does that have to do with getting out of the box when we’re feeling stuck?” “It has to do with it because it means we are not stuck.” “Huh?” “Think of that night with Yusuf under the stars,” Avi continued. “It turns out that I had a wealth of out-of-the-box memories regarding my father. Once I allowed myself to find my way to those memories, a lot of things started to look and feel different. "
― The Arbinger Institute , The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict