QUOTE : strict external control while at the same time starting to treat the child as something closer to a grown-up. Probably the best compromise is to give the teenager more say in the rule-making process, and to do it when everyone is in a calm, well-rested state—not when the teenager first comes home at two in the morning. If teenagers can help draw up the rules, they begin to see these as personal commitments instead of parental whims. If they negotiate a curfew, they’re more likely to respect it, or at least to accept the consequences for breaking it. And the more involved they get in setting goals, the more likely they are to proceed to the next step of self-control: monitoring themselves.