" Rita could find fault with a twenty-one-gun salute in her honor. “Too noisy,” she’d complain. “All that gun powdah makes me cough.” Bernice, on the other hand, was overjoyed when a salesman from the cremation place informed her that her ashes would weigh about six pounds. “Thin at last!” she shrieked. "

― Jennifer Coburn , Tales From The Crib