" How to Keep Your Toddler Off Your Back You need to keep your toddler busy to avoid going stir-crazy. What is stir-crazy? This is when parents leave adult reality and begin to enter their toddler’s world. Symptoms include: 1) identifying with cartoon characters, 2) becoming sexually attracted to members of The Wiggles, 3) forgetting what it’s like to have a conversation with someone who isn’t currently shitting her pants, and 4) eating Goldfish out of the couch cushions. To avoid this condition, you need to leave your home regularly to keep your child from talking to you too much. "

― Bunmi Laditan , Toddlers Are A**holes: It's Not Your Fault