" YOU HAVE TO SLAY THE DRAGON. You can travel across distant lands. You can answer the riddles and follow the map and muster your forces, but sooner or later, you will find the dragon or the demon or the king flopsucker himself, and you will have to pull your dead smartphone from its case and slay him and steal his Jack Daniel’s, even if it means a split lip and a swollen ankle. "

― John David Anderson , Ms. Bixby's Last Day