QUOTE : marriage isn’t about you. If you are meant to be married, God will use it to change you.” In Christian lingo, we call this “sanctification”—the process God uses to make us more holy, more like Christ. As I explained to Jay, “Sure, marriage may be fulfilling, but more than that it’s a significant way God trains us in unconditional love and service. God uses marriage to help you become the person he wants you to be. “After eighteen years in a marriage,” I went on, “I’ve learned it is a lot like a mirror, reflecting back to me who I really am—whether or not I like what I see. The mirror doesn’t lie and neither does my marriage.