" You haven’t forgiven me, Lazarus.”
He remained silent.
“What did you expect me to do?”
“Tell us, dammit! I would have gone with you.”
“Of course you would have, Lazarus. But I thought I was going to die. Why would I ask anyone to follow me there?”
“Because it’s my job!” he roared, and his voice seemed to shake the timbers of the tiny space. “It’s what I signed on for! The choice was mine, not yours! "

― Erika Johansen , The Fate of the Tearling (The Queen of the Tearling, #3)