" The others set up all this because they want me to know that what I did was important—important enough to burn coal.

But it doesn’t feel important. Not like it should.

I’m reminded now, watching the coals burn, of why I never feel like I truly belong to Winter. I want to understand all this as deeply as Sir and Alysson and everyone else, a reminder of a time when everything was how it should be, but all this is wasted on me, someone whose only connection to Winter lies in stories told by others. I thought that if I had a hand in saving Winter, I’d feel like I deserve it, the kingdom everyone else remembers. I thought I could fill the void left by my lack of memories with purpose. That’s what I’ve always told myself: if I matter to Winter, Winter will matter to me. And today I mattered to my kingdom.

Then why don’t I feel anything more for the fire pit than the slight burn on my finger? "

― Sara Raasch , Snow Like Ashes (Snow Like Ashes, #1)