" Oliver, we’ve got something to tell you,” Dad says, dumping a cardboard box full of garden waste into a toad green mangler.
Unlike the doctor, when Dad says we, he means we because Mum is omnipotent.
“Who’s dead?” I ask, shot-putting a bottle of Richebourg.
“No one’s dead.”
“You’re getting a divorce?”
“Oliver.”
“Mum’s preggers?”
“No, we—”
“I’m adopted.”
“Oliver! Please, shit up! "

― Joe Dunthorne , Submarine