" Tucker “But what’s the deal with the smaller cot or whatever?”
Hate “Oh, that’s just the icing on this cake of bullshit.”
Credit “OK, when we got to our place for the first time, since it was so shitty, I let Hate pick the cot he wanted, and I took the other one. Well, after a few days, Hate started to suspect that my cot was larger than his cot.”
Tucker “We’re talking about cots? Like, these are just two pieces of fabric tied between sticks?”
Credit “Oh yeah. No doubt. It was impossible for these to be more shitty. So anyway, Hate starts obsessing over the cots, every day he’s talking about the cots, and how maybe I got the larger cot, and on and on. So one day we bought a tape measure and measured them—”
Credit is laughing too hard to even continue, and Hate can’t contain himself.
Hate “HIS COT WAS TWO INCHES WIDER THAN MINE!!”
Credit “Hate, I let you pick the cot you wanted!”
Hate “It doesn’t matter—YOU GOT THE LARGER COT!! EVEN AFTER YOU FUCKED EVERYTHING UP!! "

― Tucker Max , Hilarity Ensues (Tucker Max, #3)