QUOTE : what love looks like<br /><br />what does love look like the therapist asks<br />one week after the breakup<br />and i’m not sure how to answer her question<br />except for the fact that i thought love<br />looked so much like you<br /><br />that’s when it hit me<br />and i realized how naive i had been<br />to place an idea so beautiful on the image of a person<br />as if anybody on this entire earth<br />could encompass all love represented<br />as if this emotion seven billion people tremble for<br />would look like a five foot eleven<br />medium-sized brown-skinned guy<br />who likes eating frozen pizza for breakfast<br /><br />what does love look like the therapist asks again<br />this time interrupting my thoughts midsentence<br />and at this point i’m about to get up<br />and walk right out the door<br />except i paid too much money for this hour<br />so instead i take a piercing look at her<br />the way you look at someone<br />when you’re about to hand it to them<br />lips pursed tightly preparing to launch into conversation<br />eyes digging deeply into theirs<br />searching for all the weak spots<br />they have hidden somewhere<br />hair being tucked behind the ears<br />as if you have to physically prepare for a conversation<br />on the philosophies or rather disappointments<br />of what love looks like<br /><br />well i tell her<br />i don’t think love is him anymore<br />if love was him<br />he would be here wouldn’t he<br />if he was the one for me<br />wouldn’t he be the one sitting across from me<br />if love was him it would have been simple<br />i don’t think love is him anymore i repeat<br />i think love never was<br />i think i just wanted something<br />was ready to give myself to something<br />i believed was bigger than myself<br />and when i saw someone<br />who probably fit the part<br />i made it very much my intention<br />to make him my counterpart<br /><br />and i lost myself to him<br />he took and he took<br />wrapped me in the word special<br />until i was so convinced he had eyes only to see me<br />hands only to feel me<br />a body only to be with me<br />oh how he emptied me<br /><br />how does that make you feel<br />interrupts the therapist<br />well i said<br />it kind of makes me feel like shit<br /><br />maybe we’re looking at it wrong<br />we think it’s something to search for out there<br />something meant to crash into us<br />on our way out of an elevator<br />or slip into our chair at a cafe somewhere<br />appear at the end of an aisle at the bookstore<br />looking the right amount of sexy and intellectual<br />but i think love starts here<br />everything else is just desire and projection<br />of all our wants needs and fantasies<br />but those externalities could never work out<br />if we didn’t turn inward and learn<br />how to love ourselves in order to love other people<br /><br />love does not look like a person<br />love is our actions<br />love is giving all we can<br />even if it’s just the bigger slice of cake<br />love is understanding<br />we have the power to hurt one another<br />but we are going to do everything in our power<br />to make sure we don’t <br />love is figuring out all the kind sweetness we deserve<br />and when someone shows up<br />saying they will provide it as you do<br />but their actions seem to break you<br />rather than build you<br />love is knowing who to choose