QUOTE : My experience with sex goes as far as a one-night stand with Jared Matthews, and it lasted about a whole thirty-seven seconds. It hurt, and it was quite embarrassing. More for him—not me. He was drunk, and I didn’t want to be a virgin anymore. I allowed him to kiss me, or shall I say slobber on me, which was closer to the truth of what he was doing. When it finally came down to the sex part of it, it stunk. Both literally and figuratively. He farted the entire time. Once he was done, he told me keg beer gave him horrible gas.