" Dear Aunt Patty,

Thank you for coming to be part of what definitely ranks in the top five worst days of my life. While your generosity is appreciated, I am returning this gift, as forced bachelorhood necessitates total abstinence from bamboo placemats and matching napkin rings in my daily life.

Sincerely,
Emory

Too much? "

― Cary Attwell , The Other Guy