" In all my twenty-seven years of life, I have never before noticed the astonishing similarities between my own head and a tenpin bowling ball. ... Ah, the colours. I should probably mention that the Luxurious Caramel, Sticky Treacle and Ash Blonde I asked for have somehow turned out to be Felt Tip Orange, Poo Brown and Ash . . . as in cigarette. "

― Kirsty Greenwood , Yours Truly