" There’s one more realm to mention. Sometimes we think we’re disagreeing with someone and don’t realize that we’re actually arguing with a shadow projection of our own fears, and our worst fears at that. The antidote to arguing with a projection is to always know whom you’re disagreeing with. Make sure they’re a real human being in the conversation with you, then actually listen to their argument rather than putting words in their mouth. "

― Buster Benson , Why Are We Yelling?: The Art of Productive Disagreement