QUOTE : I feel abnormally aware of the air in my lungs and of the blood in my body. Brian’s breath is loud and reminds me that he is a person and that he is alive and so am I. I put his hand on my throat to stop my breath and try to subdue this feeling of being a person who breathes and takes up space and fucks people, but he won’t keep his hand there. He moves it to my waist and kisses my forehead.<br /><br />I feel a cold rush down my body and suddenly I’m panicked. I wonder if Brian has ever been with a girl who loved him before. I wonder if there is a person out in the world who would feel sick at the thought of him being naked with me. I cannot shake this thought. I become sure of it. I suddenly feel a sickening, overwhelming guilt. I have to close my eyes to stop from crying at the thought of the girl I have imagined.