" She suggested we 'crouch' buck nekkid on the bed or a dresser and leap out at him from the shadows.

Now, my husband can't see all that well in the dark. I think if he comes into a darkened bedroom and finds 140 pounds of cellulite hurtling through space at him, he's going to run like the devil. "

― Celia Rivenbark , Bless Your Heart, Tramp: And Other Southern Endearments