QUOTE : Steven’s words slush together as he gets to his feet. “Crossing this one off the bucket list.” Then he<br />unbuckles his belt and grabs the waist of his pants—yanking the suckers down to his ankles—tighty<br />whities and all.<br />Every guy in the car holds up his hands to try to block the spectacle. We groan and complain. “My<br />eyes! They burn!”<br />“Put the boa constrictor back in his cage, man.”<br />“This is not the ass I planned on seeing tonight.”<br />Our protests fall on deaf ears. Steven is a man on a mission. Wordlessly, he squats and shoves his lilywhite<br />ass out the window—mooning the gaggle of grannies in the car next to us.<br />I bet you thought this kind of stuff only happened in movies.<br />He grins while his ass blows in the wind for a good ninety seconds, ensuring optimal viewage. Then<br />he pulls his slacks up, turns around, and leans out the window, laughing. “Enjoying the full moon, ladies?”<br />Wow. Steven usually isn’t the type to visually assault the elderly.<br />Without warning, his crazy cackling is cut off. He’s silent for a beat, then I hear him choke out a single<br />strangled word.<br />“Grandma?”<br />....<br />Matthew and I wave and smile and in fourth-grader-like, singsong harmony call out, “Hi, Mrs.<br />Reinhart.”<br />She shakes one wrinkled fist in our direction. Then her poofy-haired companion in the backseat flips<br />us the bird. I’m pretty sure it’s the funniest goddamn thing I’ve ever seen.<br />The two of us collapse back into our seats, laughing hysterically.