" If an Englishman asks you ‘how are you?’, they only expect two possible answers: ‘not bad’ and ‘not too bad’. The former means ‘I am doing great’, the latter that you are about to commit suicide or have some terminal disease. With anything else, you risk being tarred and feathered. Also, if your answer is ‘excellent’ they take it as sarcasm. "

― Angela Kiss , How to Be an Alien in England: A Guide to the English